stupid read more isn’t working…
every time I lay down to go to sleep, I get a tiny anxiety attack about the idea of moving.
I’m worried about not being able to find a job. I’m worried about living in some apartment I hate. I’m worried that I won’t make any friends wherever I go, and I don’t want to leave behind the friends I do have here. However few I have in real life.
You know, I do like my jobs, and the people I work with. Maybe I just need to be braver, and more open here.
Half of me feels like moving will be running from any problems I might have here, but the other half feels like I don’t want to move because I am scared of failing. I guess I am a coward on both accounts.
I just want to be happy. But I don’t know what will make me happy. Really all I want to do right now is work my day jobs, draw comics and lose like, 5 pounds.
UUUUggghhhh…. God, sometimes I wish I could just have someone make all these choices for me, you know?
Sometimes I think I have everything all figured out, and other times I think about it and just want to cry. I’m a mess of a person, and I don’t know where to start cleaning myself up.
I should start by being 100% open, that’s something I want. I also want to improve my art, and make some books. I would also really like to purge myself of a lot of shit in my apartment. All very important.
also, I’m just really comfortable where I am. I like my apartment, I like how low key Wolfville is, I like that I finally have the perfect router. I need more hours at work, I’m kind’ve just scraping by right now.
huh… It is very likely that I just talked myself out of moving. I need someone in my life that will push me to do things. Though, just the thought of not moving has made me feel a lot calmer.
Maybe its not the valley I hate.
I should dedicate next week to cleaning out my apartment, at least deciding what I will throw out come clean up week, and what I can get a few bucks for down town.
